Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
