Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
