Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
