She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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