After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
