Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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