I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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