A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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