He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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