I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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