when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
