I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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