Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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