I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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