I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
