She said her name was "party"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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