...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
