did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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