i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
