How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
