why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
