weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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