Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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