You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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