Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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