He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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