I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
