An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
