There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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