This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
