is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
