you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
