I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
