There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
