Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
