You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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