phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
