you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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