He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
