he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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