Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
