just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
