so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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