it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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