Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
