he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
