I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
