he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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