We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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