Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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