just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
