My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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