I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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