If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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