I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think your dad took our porno
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
