Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
