there was a trapeze. enough said
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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