guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
