just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
