Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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