I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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