left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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