It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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